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Friday, June 30, 2006

HASSELHOFF OF THE DAY:


BAYWATCH JEANS HASSLHOFF!

MOVIE HOMEWORK: The Devil Wears Prada.


THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA, based on the best-selling novel, tells the story of a naive young woman, Andy Sachs (ANNE HATHAWAY) who comes to New York and scores a job as the assistant to one of the city's biggest magazine editors, the ruthless and cynical Miranda Priestly (MERYL STREEP), based on Vogue's ruthless and cynical ANNA WINTOUR. Meryl Streep camping it up? Count me in! Oh, and ADRIAN GRENIER is in it. Get your tix now!

DOLLY OF THE WEEK:

RED WHITE AND BLUEGRASS DOLLY! No one gets more patriotic or more bluegrass-lovin' than Dolly, so happy 4th of JULY, Y'all!

OWN A PIECE OF HISTORY!


You can now own the greatest TV show EVER (well, certainly the most gloriously feminist show ever), COMMANDER IN CHIEF ON DVD! This is just PART I of the series, but it is still completely imperative. GEENA DAVIS AS THE PRESIDENT. That's all you need to know. Order now!

AMATEUR PORN CRITIC'S CORNER QUOTE OF THE DAY:


(on Paris Hilton)

"She's not very good at homemade porn. And I’m not talking about the way it was filmed. I’m talking about the actual sex.” - DENIS LEARY

CELEBRITY PHOTOS OF THE DAMNED: Tawny Kitaen

BREAKING ANNE ARCHER NEWS!


You just never know where ANNE ARCHER will pop up. I was watching the premiere of the new FX show, IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA, last night when all of a sudden, I was face to face with the coquettish Scientologist herself! Archer plays DANNY DeVITO's rich, estranged wife and the mother to two of the main characters. She's basically the LUCILLE BLUTH (aka JESSICA WALTERS) of this show. But...also this show ain't no ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT. But it has its moments.

DAVID HASSELHOFF SMASHES HAND!

DAVID HASSELHOFF was rushed to a London hospital on Thursday after slicing his hand open during a bathroom accident. He was taken from his hotel to St. Thomas' Hospital for emergency surgery. He severely cut a tendon on shards from a glass shelf, which he accidentally smashed on the restroom wall while shaving. A hospital aide tells British newspaper The Sun, "David was about to shave when he hit his head on a shelf, which shattered. His hand was cut quite badly." Wait...is it just me or does this sound like a BOLD FACED LIE? But...we hope me makes a full recovery nonetheless.

JOHNNY DEPP IS THE LIVING DEAD.

WILL SMITH'S new vehicle, I AM LEGEND, has reportedly signed JOHNNY DEPP. The film is an adaptation of Richard Matheson's novel, centering on a post apocalyptic Los Angeles and its sole healthy survivor (Smith). Matheson's book was adapted twice before. Vincent Price starred in "The Last Man on Earth" and Charlton Heston toplined "The Omega Man". It is thought that Depp will play Smith's neighbor, now a zombie. Holla!

Thursday, June 29, 2006

HASSELHOFF OF THE DAY:


AVENUE Q LOVIN' HASSELHOFF!

RADAR STRIKES BACK!


Delicious pop culture / politics mag RADAR has been resurrected...again! The magazine -- founded by a former top New York magazine editor, Maer Roshan and was launched in 2003 but folded after publishing two issues. It was relaunched last year with an estimated $25 million investment from New York Daily News publisher Mortimer Zuckerman and folded again last year. But it just landed a "multimillion dollar" multiyear investment from Integrity Multimedia Co. LLC, run by Yusef Jackson (son of Jesse Jackson). It is expected to go on sale in early 2007. Hurray! This magazine is so hilarious - remember the prank they pulled on STAR JONES? Man o war. Get a subscription right away! We need to support this mag!

BAND OF THE WEEK: Hep Alien.

Definitely the best TV band since THE MONKEES (or THE PARTRIDGE FAM for that matter), HEP ALIEN rocks THE GILMORE GIRLS and STARS HOLLOW on a weekly (okay, more like monthy) basis. The band was the brain child of drummer LANE KIM (KEIKO AGENA) and then boyfriend DAVE RYGALSKI (ADAM EFFIN BRODY) who played lead guitar. Bass player BRIAN (JOHN CABRERA) and rhythm guitar player ZACK (TODD LOWE) were also along for the ride. When Dave went off to college in California (aka when Adam Brody got a nice gig on the OC), they replaced lead guitar with GIL (SEBASTIAN EFFIN BACH) and Hep Alien really started getting off the ground. Plus Lane and Zack got together and Zack started really focusing on his songwriting - although most of the songs were just chick's names. They're always the go-to band when your rec hall needs to have some good clean fun or if your husband was just voted mayor and he wants his favorite song - The Theme from GREATEST AMERICAN HERO - to be played. But the band has a new hit - START A COMMOTION - and it could be the crossover TV to MP3 hit we've all been looking for!

COMIC GENIUS KATHY GRIFFIN WEAVES TANGLED WEB OF LIES?


As you may know, I am a huge supporter of KATHY GRIFFIN and her show, MY LIFE ON THE D LIST. I was shocked when I heard that her reality show might actually be a covert web of lies! Last September Kathy filed for divorce from her husband of over four years Matthew Moline. The divorce was never finalized and Kathy claimed they were working things out. But in actuality, things didn't work out, and Matthew moved into his own place last year. For the second season tapings of reality show, Matt always arrived early in the morning before the cameras, and pretended to be still living in Kathy's hillside mansion. The marriage is over although Kathy and Matt are still good friends. What? WHAT? Okay, either way, I still love Ms. Griffin and think she is a comic genius. But this is distressing AND sad!

ANOTHER CELEB GIRLY FIGHT? WHAT THE EFF?!?!

First it was AXL ROSE v TOMMY HILFIGER, then JEREMY PIVEN v STEPHEN DORFF, and now..get this...it's JOSH DUMAHEL v TOMMY LEE!!! These celeb girly fights always go down at a club, and this one was no different (it happened at Bella in LA), and actually was similar to the Piven/Dorff fight in that it involved a bathroom. Apparently, Josh went to use the bathroom and found it occupied. Tommy was inside. A source said:

"Josh knocked on the door and scread 'Hurry up!' One of Josh's friends said, 'Stop, Tommy's in there,' Josh replied, 'Tommy who? Tommy Lee, who cares?' Tommy heard that and came out of the bathroom. Words were exchanged and Josh ended up on the floor - I don't know if he was pushed or punched. Josh bolted outside and called for Tommy to meet him and 'fight like a man.' Tommy was restrained and sent out the back door by security. Josh never did get to use the bathroom."

HAHAHAHAHAHA! The only word that can describe a celeb girly fight such as this: HILAMEOUS!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

HASSELHOFF OF THE DAY:


CONFRONTATIONAL HASSELHOFF!

FROM THE HALLMARK HALL OF FAME VAULTS: Love is Never Silent.


An especially tear-jerker-y HHoF, LOVE IS NEVER SILENT is the story of a young woman (MARE WINNINGHAM) who, during the GREAT DEPRESSION, struggles with her own need for independence and the obligation she feels for her hearing-impaired parents (ED WATERSTREET, PHYLLIS FRELICH). A friend (SID EFFIN CAESAR) sees her turmoil and tells her she must find happiness on her own. However, the initial joy she finds in marriage starts to strain under the guilt she feels for deserting her parents and the bitterness they express towards her. Oh, and CLORIS LEACHMAN is in it, so you know it's good. Or at least scream-y.

ANDY RODDICK: HOMOPHOBE.



Tennis star / idiot ANDY RODDICK is apparently unaware that his entire fan base is gay men, because he just lashed out at the gay man's fav accessory: THE MAN PURSE. He just posted a whole diatribe on his website about it:
"I have seen some guys walking around with man purses here in London.... anything bigger than a money clip or a wallet is to be left to your girlfriend/wife...and just so we are clear you should not be able to throw your "wallet" over a shoulder...if you have a man purse, the wall is waiting."
Wait, is he insulting gays or Brits? What? Meanwhile, if he has this big of an opinion on an accessory, he's clearly being defensive. GAY!

DREAMGIRLS WILL BE AMAZING!

The BET Awards unleashed a new, amazing promo for the film version of DREAMGIRLS, not due out until this Christmas. But this will certainly be the best Christmas present ever, and will be seen by me in Chelsea with my gays AND the Magic Johnson Theatre in Harlem. Where else are you going to eat churros and watch JENNIFER HUDSON have a melt down? This movie looks to be a solid gold masterpiece. Check out the promo!




VOM-INDUCING PHOTOSPREAD OF THE WEEK:

BRIT BRIT in HARPER'S BAZAAR. WARNING: VIEW WITH CAUTION!

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

HASSELHOFF OF THE DAY:

CONDI TEMPTING HASSELHOFF!

GAY STORE BULLETIN: Bway HATES Christine Baranski.

The Kennedy Center production of MAME starring Tony Award winner CHRISTINE BARANSKI in the title role will not have a New York run. A Broadway run had been under consideration after the musical ends its run at the Kennedy Center July 2. Word on the street is that Baranski wasn't famous enough. Want a famous diva? GET BETTE MIDLER. Hello!

CELEBRITY PHOTOS OF THE DAMNED: Brandon Routh

SPIDER-MAN 3: Yup, awesome.


I never get that excited about comic book-based movies, but I have to say that after seeing the trailer for SPIDER-MAN 3, I'm totally excited! The story involves Spider-man turning to the dark side and sporting a newer, blacker, venomy-er suit. They're still filming this in NYC, so this is just a teaser, but the clips they do show look amazing. Check it out!

SOMEONE WROTE A SHILOH SONG. WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?


A comedy duo called THE FRESH COMEDY has beaten me to writing a song in honor of the new messiah, SHILOH NOUVEL JOLIE-PITT. You can listen to it on their myspace page. It's basically a reggae jam with lyrics like, "I know your daddy don't like me at all, but I figure he owes me for LEGENDS OF THE FALL." I mean, come one. Brilliant!

JESSICA SIMPSON WANTS TO BE MADONNA SO BAD!

JESSICA SIMPSON is filming the music video for her new single, PUBLIC AFFAIR. But GET THIS - she is filming it at a roller rink! Either she saw ROLL BOUNCE one too many times or she is totally ripping off MADONNA'S SORRY VIDEO! The good news is that the video features comic genius CHRISTINA APPLEGATE (and also EVA LONGORIA and CHRISTINA MILIAN...please note how in this picture the "ethnic"ones are in the back...of the bus!) Anyway, this video will likely be a gay hit, but J-SO is no gay icon! If you want even more deets on this derivative nightmare, check this video out. Oh, and she basically says that she paid her "friends" nothing to have the honor of being in her music video. And the video cuts off when ANDY DICK starts plugging some movie.

ASSIMILATION QUOTE OF THE WEEK:



(on BEYONCE'S involvement in the DREAMGIRLS movie)

It's interesting, when Tom Eyen who is the creator, had this idea, he said that the Dreams, have to be three obviously black girls. Why? Because America will always go for that light, bright, long haired black girl because they will feel comfortable building her up, since they see themselves in her.

But for the obviously black girl, if she makes it, she deserves to be right there. Because they aren't trying to push her, that's why the Dreams had to be three obviously black girls.

So when they cast Beyonce in the role of Deena Jones. I said, "Wow, this is exactly what Tom Eyen said would happen." They going to take to that light, bright blackish blonde girl because they feel comfortable with her. That's the reality. - Sheryl Lee Ralph (the original Deena Jones)

MUST LOVE LIZA!


Sunday was GAY PRIDE DAY, so how do you think that the greatest living gay icon, LIZA MINNELLI, spent the day? Singing? Dancing? Boozing? All in good time. Instead, she JUDGED A LESBIAN PET FASHION SHOW. That's it - give her another GLAAD Award. Take a look at this madness!

MORE SoaP THAN YOU CAN EVEN HANDLE!

A full length trailer has finally come out for my beloved SNAKES ON A PLANE. Check it out here. But I still say that this teaser trailer and even this teaser trailer are better, but this new trailer does feature a lot of SAMUEL L JACKSON being bad-ass, although not as bad-ass as he was about SoaP on the MTV Movie Awards. Nonethless, check it out! It's less than two months until AUGUST 18th! Ahh! Snakes!

AXL ROSE WON'T FIGHT, WILL BITE.


Remember a few weeks ago when AXL ROSE refused to fight TOMMY HILFIGER, who started punching him after Rose moved Hilfiger's drink? Well apparently Rose WILL bite someone if provoked enough. He was fighting with a woman in a hotel lobby in Sweden when a security guard tried to intervene and WAS BITTEN ON THE LEG BY AXL ROSE. He was held on suspicion of attacking the guard and causing damage to the hotel, but was deemed to drunk to be questioned right away. When Rose is finally sober enough to be questioned, the guard and hotel will decide whether to press charges or not. Luckily for Rose, he'll never be that sober.

SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE: Gwyneth Paltrow's singing career.

GWYNETH PALTROW, Oscar winning actress / frigid snorefest, has teamed up with WILLIAM ORBIT, who produced MADONNA'S Ray of Light album and BLUR'S 13 album. They've layed down some tracks which Orbit describes as, "brilliant" and are planning to release an album in the near future. Orbit is already confident of the album's success - Paltrow already had cult hits with tracks off the soundtrack to the film DUETS. So basically, just when we thought her movie days were over (anyone remember her latest critically acclaimed work? Sylvia? Proof?....) she's moved into another medium to literally bore us to death.

Monday, June 26, 2006

HASSELHOFF OF THE DAY:


COUGH SYRUP HASSELHOFF!

GWEN STEFANI: Baby Doll?



GWEN STEFANI is in talks to play the title role in a remake of TENNESSEE WILLIAMS'S BABY DOLL. The 1956 film, directed by ELIA KAZAN was just selected as one of Entertainment Weekly's most 25 Most Controversial films. The plot centers on Archie Lee Meighan (KARL MALDEN), middle-aged cotton gin owner, can hardly wait for the 20th birthday of his childish bride Baby Doll (CARROLL BAKER), when he'll be allowed to consummate the marriage...he thinks. But rival owner Silva Vaccaro (ELI WALLACH) suspects Archie of burning his gin down, and takes an erotic form of Sicilian vengeance.
Okay, I LOVE Gwen, but she's a far cry from 19 years old! Obvs, they'll change the plot. This is one of my favorite films, so remaking it seems a bit sacreligious. But I do love Gwen. Urgh! I'm torn!

CELEBRITY PHOTOS OF THE DAMNED: Courtney Love.

DON'T RAIN ON MY COMEBACK!

JENNIFER LOPEZ hasn't dropped a new album in a while, but has decided to get back into the swing of things by exclusively appearing at NYC parades. Last month, she and her corpse bride, MARC ANTHONY appeared at the PUERTO RICAN DAY PARADE.Last night, she performed at the GAY PRIDE PARADE PIER DANCE, where she suffered from major microphone (read: lip synching ) issues. If JLO continues this trend, the next time we'll see her is at the annual WILLIAMSBURG DOG PARADE. I think she already has that pirate outfit, anyway...

KEITH RICHARDS WILL BE THE PIRATE KING!


After JOHNNY DEPP received critical accaim (and and Oscar nomination) for his portrayal of Jack Sparrow in the first PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN movie, he seemed desperate to have KEITH RICHARDS, who he based his character on, portray his father. But Richards couldn't take any time off his busy rock tour / falling-out-of-coconut tree schedule. But now that the second PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN movie is about to hit theaters, director GORE VERBINSKI has told IGN that Richards is on board for the third film, but wouldn't reveal whether he would play Depp's father. But obvs, he will. Let's just hope that he doesn't fall out of any more trees before filming his scenes!

NEW MARIE ANTOINETTE TRAILER!


SOFIA COPPOLA'S new film, MARIE ANTOINETTE, was basically hated by the Cannes Film Festival, but the more I see of it, the more I think this movie might just be genius. The only prob is the inconsistencies with everyone's accents - some have British accents, some have French, and as the queen herself, KIRSTEN DUNST is still straight out of the valley. You get even more of a taste of these accents in THIS NEW TRAILER. The only one still left speechless in the trailer is costar JASON SCHWARTZMAN. I suppose this either means that he has a ridiculous, NACHO-LIBRE-esque accent, or it is just so good that they won't unveil it until later. Either way, he deserves the Academy Award for his ability to eat asparagus. Take a look at see what I mean.

KRALL AND COSTELLO TO HAVE THE MOST GORGEOUS BABY IN THE WORLD!


Genius / dreamboat ELVIS COSTELLO and singer / surly face DIANA KRALL have annouced that they are expecting their first child together, due in December. The couple have been married for three years. This kid will likely: 1. be awesome, 2. be a musical genius, or 3. inherit its mother's dead face. Only time will tell! But this is good news since Elvis Costello will be the world's greatest father. So congrats!

Friday, June 23, 2006

HASSELHOFF OF THE DAY:


HEADSHOT LOVIN' HASSELHOFF!

MOVIE HOMEWORK: Wassup Rockers.



WASSUP ROCKERS, a documentary about skater boys in California, is the first movie of the summer most likely to make me want a skater boy boyfriend from California. Instead of adhering to the norms of their South Central neighborhood, a group of skater boys opt to bus into Hollywood and Beverly Hills, where they attract local rich girls - and plenty of trouble with the police, jealous boyfriends, and nervous parents. So...it's basically a combination of the LORDS OF DOGTOWN and STICK IT. I'll be there, even if it is only playing at Angelika.

SENSITIVE MALE QUOTE OF THE WEEK:


(on his recent sobfest on the AMERICAN IDOL FINALE):


"Is it wrong for a grown man to cry? Maybe if we had more emotion in the White House we wouldn't be in this mess we're in. What moved me was the person sitting next to me is my best friend, he has brain cancer. It was his birthday and this was his present. When Taylor Hicks won I said, 'Isn't that cool? A guy gets the American Dream.' Then I look over at my best friend who says, 'Isn't it great to be alive?' I find it kind of strange that you have to explain that in this world. What's wrong with that? What's wrong with having emotion?" -- DAVID HASSELHOFF

GET LATOYA A NEW WEAVE!


If DUSTIN DIAMOND has set up a way for people to donate to him to save his house, I say LATOYA JACKSON needs to set up a similar charity so she can get a new wig! Don't believe me? CHECK OUT THIS VIDEO filmed during a photoshoot for some new drink she's hawking. Oh, and don't worry - all she does is talk about JACKO. Revelations? She really likes the word "actually." Oh, and she really needs a new weave.

DOLLY OF THE WEEK:


I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU DOLLY! Parton's version of this hit will always be the correct version to like. WHITNEY HOUSTON'S early 90s version of the classic song might have been cool when we were in middle school, but now it's considered so uncool that it could drive teenagers screaming from the streets! In England, an action group is considering playing unhip music to drive away loitering teens and Whitney's "I Will Always Love You" is at the top of the list, along with songs from BARRY MANILOW, ROBSON AND JEROME and ENGLEBERT HUMPERDINCK. Also, this is the greatest news story ever. Also, GO DOLLY!

CELEBRITY PHOTOS OF THE DAMNED: Toni Braxton.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

HASSELHOFF OF THE DAY:


SMILEY, WASHED-OUT, STAMP-LOVING HASSELHOFF!

NO JOKE: DAVID LYNCH RINGTONES.


Either DAVID LYNCH is suddenly in financial ruin or he just wants to make the world as trippy as one of his movies, but either way you can BUY RINGTONES FROM HIS WEBSITE. I am not making this up. Go see for yourself!

BAND OF THE WEEK: The Little Willies.


Basically, NORAH JONES can do no wrong. Her newest endeavor, the band THE LITTLE WILLIES, which includes herself, her boyfriend, and some other dudes, started out as a low-key tribute to WILLIE NELSON and ended up producing one of the best albums of the year. With bluegrass /jazz ditties like IT'S NOT YOU IT'S ME, ROLY POLY, and their version of TENNESSEE STUD, you might just want to toss your shoes off and start cuttin' a rug, but the sweeter ballads like NO PLACE TO FALL and EASY AS THE RAIN might ease you back to your easy chair. The best track of all is the whimsical LOU REED which imagines the TRANSFORMER himself as a cow-tipper.
Check out their recent appearance on the late show if you don't trust me: